April 19, 2012

Pigs Who Write

What I Learned From Humans

My name is Dennis. That’s a picture of me below, the one with the long nose. Oh, wait, that doesn’t narrow it down does it? I’m the handsome one. To make it perfectly clear—the one with hair on his head.

Dennis-Day One

You are probably wondering why this blog is called “Pigs Who Write.” I can almost hear the ladies chuckling, heads turned to the side and whispering to friends, “I knew it. Men are pigs.”

Ha! Don’t men wish they were pigs. Even in their wildest dreams they couldn’t be like us.

And while we’re at it, let’s talk about the word “pig” for a minute. How is it that pig has come to be associated with stuffing and bad manners and sloppiness?

I want you to look at what I get to eat every day.

Dennis’ Food

Aside from that, all I get is whatever I can dig up from the ground—roots, bugs, and the like. Now…let’s take a look at what the “old man” eats.

Take a second look. Me—little bowl of grain and water. Him—gigantic plate of lasagna, meatballs, bread, olives, and wine.

Intelligence:

But enough of that, we’re here to talk about intelligent things, and that means pigs. So I’m going to straighten out some of the sayings that you humans have about pigs. The first is a strange saying.

• “Even a blind pig finds an acorn once in a while.” 

I have thought long and hard about this and have come to the conclusion that it is like many human sayings—stupid. We pigs have a great sense of smell. Even if we were blind we could smell the acorns, so we would find them, blind or not.

• “You can’t make a silk purse from a sow’s ear.” What? Of course you can’t. Do you humans need to be told that? We pigs have a similar saying. “You can’t make a silk purse from a human’s ear.” 
• “Sweat like a pig.” Wrong! Pigs don’t sweat. Which is why we wallow in water. (That was alliterative wasn’t it?)
• “Stink like a pig.” Because we don’t sweat, and assuming the…uh…humans give us proper room, we do not get stinky.
• “Eat like a pig.” Hmm. Okay, I’ll let that one slide. After all, “even a stupid human says something right once in a while.” (That’s another famous pig saying.)

That’s all I have for today. Next time I’ll enthrall you with more pig wisdom. You might even get to be as smart as me. If you want to know more about how smart we are, check out this article: http://chris-mclaughlin.suite101.com/the-intelligent-pig-a84448

And remember—the next time you go to write a saying that you are sure you know the meaning of—think twice about it. Make certain you’re right. Even better, consult a pig. We’re sure to know.

Ciao,

Dennis

PS. I hear chicken tastes way better than pork.

Any sayings you can think of that don’t “hold up.”

Filed under: Pigs Who Write by Giacomo