October 2, 2013
It’s me, Dennis—again. Today I’m going to try and teach you humans how to discipline a dog. In order to make it simple, I’ve put together a few pointers.
1. Holler at them.
We know this works. Think about it. Don’t your kids, especially teenagers, always listen to you when you holler? Of course they do. It’s been working for a few thousand years.
In the unlikely event that doesn’t make your dog listen, you could try working with them. Praising them. Spending time with them. (I’m talking about the dogs here. I’m sure you do this with your kids.
2. Beat them.
Another tried and true method. But please be careful. Don’t hit them with your bare hands. You don’t want to hurt yourself. Use a stick or something similar. Giacomo was going to use the stick on Briella, but as you can see, she’s a big girl, and he was afraid she’d take it from him and strike back.
PS: If beating them doesn’t work, try hugging them, or petting them. It’s been known to work wonders.
3. Lock them in a cage all day.
Finally, a good idea. I’ve seen some of those kids who were locked away in closets, or kept in a cellar. It sure taught them a thing or two.
If this surefire method doesn’t bring results, do something desperate. Take them for a walk. You might even do yourself good.
4. Starve them
Absolutely. Best idea I’ve heard yet. Hungry dogs always listen. Either that or they eat you.
In the unlikely event starving them doesn’t work, suck it up and give them dinner, even a few treats.
Threatening them is easy. All you have to do is say things like, “If you do that again, I’ll kill you.” (Must be said in convincing tone, and curse words do help.)
I can’t imagine threatening them not working; however, if it doesn’t try lowering your voice and talking nicely, like you would a child. (You don’t threaten children, do you?)
All of the above are great examples of how to make your dog listen…because none of them work.
As you can see, Giacomo listens well to his dogs. He does everything they say, and they don’t have to resort to drastic measures. Of course, they have me to thank for it. I’m the one who trained Giacomo.
Dennis The Magnificent